We often speak about women being materialistic and the expectations placed on men when seeking a spouse. They are questioned about wealth, background, living arrangements after nikah and even holidays can sometimes turn a marriage meeting into a financial assessment. Yes, financial stability matters, but demanding more than the basic is showing more interest in material gain than a person’s Deen and akhlaaq, which I feel is unfair because it deserves equal consideration.
As I mentioned in one of my previous articles, marriage is not a transactional agreement. The in-laws and the spouse are not bank accounts.
However, there is another side to this conversation that we cannot ignore: men who fail to fulfil their responsibilities as husbands.
Some wives receive no personal spending money. Others receive an amount so small that it barely covers their basic necessities. They are expected to manage the home, attend to everyone’s needs and fulfil endless responsibilities, often without appreciation, assistance or even a kind word.
Paying the rent and putting food on the table should not become an excuse to neglect your wife’s emotional and financial needs. A wife is not a servant whose only purpose is to maintain the household. She deserves kindness, consideration and the freedom to feel valued.
A husband should also understand that marriage does not give him permission to impose every expectation, rule or change upon his wife without wisdom. Islam teaches us to approach one another with gentleness, patience and Hikmah (wisdom). We cannot expect someone to transform overnight or assume that everyone is at the same stage of their religious journey. Growth takes time, encouragement and sincere guidance.
Even when something needs correcting, the manner in which it is addressed matters. There is a difference between guiding someone with love and making them feel inadequate through constant criticism, force or harshness.
Rasulullah ﷺ did not lead his household through intimidation. He demonstrated gentleness, consideration and beautiful character. He understood the importance of treating people with care. That is how you become a means of Hidayat.
In Sahih al-Bukhari (3331) and Sahih Muslim (1468), the Prophet ﷺ advised men to treat women well, using the example of the rib and reminding them that harshness could lead to harm.
This is a reminder that a wife’s heart should not be treated carelessly. If you want to help her grow in Deen, become a source of encouragement, not a source of fear and remember that you, too, are a work in progress.
Look at Nabi Muhammad ﷺ. When Aishah (RA) was asked what he did at home, she explained that he would serve his family.
(Sahih al-Bukhari 676)
He ﷺ also said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 3895– Sahih), and when Hind bint Utbah complained that her husband was not providing sufficiently, the Prophet ﷺ instructed her that she could take what was reasonably sufficient for herself and her children. (Sahih al-Bukhari 5364).
These narrations should make us reflect.
Islam does not teach a man to measure his success as a husband by the bills he pays, but also by the way he treats the woman entrusted to his care.
She is someone else’s daughter, sister and mother. She left the comfort of her family to build a life with you.
Do not make her regret that decision.
May Allah grant us marriages in which both spouses understand their rights, fulfil their responsibilities and treat one another with the mercy and kindness that Islam teaches. Aameen.
