Nobody knows about the numerous times she cried when no one was watching, the times she went to bed, crying herself to sleep. Nobody knows how many times she was let down.
Nobody knows how many times she felt she was about to snap but didn’t for the sake of others.
Nobody knows how horrible and unjust they are to her.
Nobody knows what happens in the home she resides in…
Vibrant and robust… happy and carefree, she was about to turn the chapter and enter into the enchanting world of married life. When she got married, she knew she was going to Iive with her Inlaws. She was positive and happy and ready for an amazing start to her new life. Unfortunately, she was completely unaware of what was in store for her.
At first, everything seemed okay. She maintained with ease, a good relationship with her mother-in-law, brother in law and sister in-laws. Everything was done together as a family. The house rules appeared simple enough; Decisions would be made together and meals would be prepared together and shared amongst the family members in the home. One big happy family with a lovely new addition.
She followed the rules as simple as they were laid out. Striving to feel very much part of the family, she sometimes felt like implementing simple things in the home, through mutual consultation of course, but was denied that chance. On taking a closer look, she soon realized that she wasn’t allowed to do almost anything that she wanted to. She couldn’t even dress the way she wanted, even though it was not revealing.
She always went out of her way to ensure that she did everything to make everyone else happy even though her inner peace was being affected.
Days turned into weeks and before she knew it, she had spent years in the home maintaining the unity. She had been the one to make all the sacrifices.
The time eventually came for her brother-in-law to get married. Happy vibes were everywhere but Lo and Behold, before she could even blink, everything took a turn for the worse. The rules were suddenly different.
Changes were being made instantly without hesitations.
What was forbidden for her, was now allowed for the new daughter-in-law?
The new daughter-in-law was given authority and with her youth and high confidence levels, which were so very familiar to herself years ago, the new bride happily started implementing new rules to suit herself.
This was the beginning of a clear division in the home.
Meals were prepared separately and not shared, even amongst kids.
No one seemed to notice any of these changes. No one bothered to notice the ugly face of injustice starring everyone in the face.
The family remained blissfully silent when the new daughter-in-law did anything because she was from a prominent family. And as we all know, in our communities, being ‘high class’ speaks louder than good character.
What is this backward mentality that we all know so well? Why does it always boil down to a surname? Why is it that a surname somehow has the ability to define an individual?
A person may come from a prominent family, a pious family even, but that doesn’t mean he or she has the personality nor the characteristics of the pious. That doesn’t signify the obvious piety of the individual.
Why are some people so foolish to treat a person like gold just because of a surname and bring injustice upon another.
She sat broken and lost, barely a shadow of her former self, silently making dua with her broken heart. She begged Allah to give her the will and strength to wake up every day and continue with her daily routine without letting the injustice affect her. She tried once again, as she had all the years before to put her feelings aside, to push herself down, and to make space for everyone else but she was only human. Her feelings were hurt. She was also someone’s daughter who was being mistreated and conveniently there was no one who could see it. No one sees, no one hears, no one cares….
She is nobody.
These are some of the occurrences that take place today in most people’s homes.
The joint family has become an issue where the daughters-in-law are not treated equally.
One will live with the privilege and advantage of having everything done her way whilst the other has to remain silent and receive the horrible treatment.
Kids grow up with the mentality of mine and yours. They learn that some kids in the home have privileges over others. Some have the upper hand over others. They learn from the adults and they implement it in their lives. They don’t know any better. Nobody took a stand and showed them any better. And so … they learn the ugly truth about injustice and it breeds bad feelings, bad habits and most importantly, it breeds the same cycle of life in the next generation.
If only in-laws could realise their wrongdoings and stop playing victim all the time. If only they could take the time to see it from the other side. If only they could stop making a surname priority over an individual…