*Grief by Raeesa Padia*
Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhī rājiʿūn.
Verily, from Allah we came and to Him is our return.
كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَائِقَةُ الْمَوْتِ
Every soul shall taste death…
Death is an undeniable fact. Time after time, we as human beings lose ourselves in this temporary world as if we are to live in it forever. Thus, Allah sends us signs and reminders with the biggest reminder being to experience a loved one pass on from this world.
The loss of a loved one is undoubtedly a grieving matter and only those who have experienced it will know the true depth of the pain it causes when it strikes.
Grief is natural and an emotional reaction to the loss of a loved one or something that is important to us.
Emotions can be intensely painful, and have the potential to affect every aspect of our lives.
Grief is normal emotion. It is not an illness and it should never be considered as something negative. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam also experienced grief on numerous occasions. It’s an emotion that shows that we cared deeply for whatever we have lost.
Every individual experiences grief in a different way and in a different time phrase. It rises and subsides at different points.
Grief affects some for days, while others have a break down every few weeks or months and it may worsen as a person allows their mind to wonder which makes them feel as if they're drowning into the depths of darkness.
It's like an extra weight on their heart which is difficult to remove.
One of the toughest attributes to hold onto when grief strikes is to observe patience but Subhanallah! nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience. It is also this very trait that gives us contentment on Allah Ta'ala's decree and submitting ourselves is to our own benefit because this submission becomes our greatest coping mechanism.
Nabi Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam experienced many losses throughout his life. But in return he never lost Hope, Trust, and Faith, in Allah Ta'ala
He had patience and was granted the gift of Salaah which helped him overcome his sadness, concerns and worries.
He knew that Allah Ta’ala will test us with something we fear but in return grant us good tidings when we adopt sabr and have yaqeen (Trust) in The One who Created us … when we believe in taqdeer- that we belong to Allah and indeed to Him we shall return.
Everything in our destiny is already written and preordained before we are born. Life is not meant to last for all eternity.
We have been created and sent for a specific purpose and we have to leave for our final abode when the time arrives.
When we lose a loved one, a significant amount of thoughts go through our mind and we sometimes become doubtful of Allah Ta’ala. We start questioning Allah as to why He took away our loved one. A person may even go to the extent of not Believing in Him anymore and that is because of the lack of Imaan, understanding of Islam, and emotions blocking our mind from thinking properly.
When someone passes away with an illness that causes tremendous pain, it is necessary to always try to think of that person. How did they feel? Think about the extent of pain they must have endured. We can only see what is happening on the outside and we are not aware of the damage caused on the inside. Perhaps they might have made dua to Allah to take their life because they could no longer withstand the pain of that illness. It could be that their dua was accepted. It was their taqdeer to leave this deceitful, painful life and reach their final abode which will be their garden of paradise inshaAllah.
When we get pricked by a thorn, a minor injury, we can't bare the pain so, imagine the person afflicted with a deadly illness and how much pain they must have endured. Would we rather see them suffer or let them be at ease?
Its difficult to accept that they're gone. Life will never be same without them. Their presence will always be immensely missed but we all have to leave this world one day and just like there is no denying death, likewise Duas being the biggest weapon for a believer is unquestionable too. When our loved ones have moved on to the next world, they are reliant and are in desperate need of our Duas for them.
We also don't know when and in what condition we will leave but we must make dua to Allah to grant us a painless death, to take us when He is Pleased with us, not Prolong our pain, to make us die with Imaan.
Whenever we find ourselves reaching a state of depression, When our imaan is low, when our khushoo in salaah wavers, when we feel our inclination towards Allah is decreasing, when we start doubting Allah …We should recite Surah Ad-duha.
This Surah was revealed to Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam when he was in a very disturbed state of mind.
Surah Ad-Duha teaches us that not everything is doom and gloom. You have to pick up your shoulders and look up.
وَٱلَّيْلِ إِذَا سَجَىٰ
*Wal laili iza sajaa* – generally when we're depressed, we tend to get into a bad sleep pattern. We find that we're awake all night with an idle mind and sleep all day. That worsens our state of mind so, this aayah reminds us that we should use the night as comfort to ease our distress by spending the night pouring our heart to Allah Ta'ala, making thikr or any type of ibaadah.
مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَىٰ
*ma wada 'aka rabbuka wa ma qalaa*
Which means that Allah does not hate us, nor forgotten us. He is always by our side.
وَلَلْـَٔاخِرَةُ خَيْرٌ لَّكَ مِنَ ٱلْأُولَىٰ
*Walal' aakhirahtu khairul laka minal-oola*
This aayah assures us that our life will never remain the way it is forever. It will surely change.
It reminds us that this life is temporary and aakhirah is certainly better.
وَلَسَوْفَ يُعْطِيكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرْضَىٰٓ
*Wa la sawfa y'uteeka rabbuka fartarda*
Reminding us of the promise that Allah will grant us massive reward (Jannah) and we will be happy inshaAllah.
أَلَمْ يَجِدْكَ يَتِيمًا فَـَٔاوَىٰ
*'Alam ya jidka yateeman fa 'aa-wa-ya*
This verse is to remind you that you will never be alone.
There must have been times when we felt like we had no one, when we were afflicted with a difficulty, calamity and wondered how we would get out of it and somehow we gradually did…It was Allah Ta'ala who helped us get that ease, and guided us to the right path. So, always remember we are never alone.
وَوَجَدَكَ ضَآلًّا فَهَدَىٰ
*Wa wa jadaka daal-lan fahada*
Despite being born muslims, we may have gone off track at some point in our lives. But it was Allah who granted us Hidayah(guidance) and made us practicing muslims. This ayah speaks of Allah Ta'ala being Merciful and never leaving us to go astray.
وَوَجَدَكَ عَآئِلًا فَأَغْنَىٰ
*Wa wa jadaka 'aa-ilan fa aghnaa*
This ayah speaks of the times when we might have had financial issues, but still got through those toughs times. It was Allah Ta'ala who granted us Rizq.
فَأَمَّا ٱلْيَتِيمَ فَلَا تَقْهَرْ
*Fa am mal yateema fala taqhar*
This ayaah is the ultimate antidote to depression because it speaks of people who are consumed with their situation and think no one is enduring as much as they are.
This is a reminder to always look at the people who are in far worse situations than ourselves. Look at orphans who have no family, people who have no homes, people who are being brutally murdered, are facing poverty.
وَأَمَّا ٱلسَّآئِلَ فَلَا تَنْهَرْ
*Wa am mas saa-ila fala tanhar*
Reminding us of the Ni'mats that Allah has bestowed upon us and we take for granted.
Our body that functions well and not dependent on anyone to take care of us, a roof over our head, food, clothing, safety, etc.
We go to bed with a full belly while others are crying of hunger, are sleeping on the streets while we are warm sound asleep.
وَأَمَّا بِنِعْمَةِ رَبِّكَ فَحَدِّثْ
*Wa amma bi ni'mati rab-baka fahad-dith*
This final aayah is about maintaining the renewed faith and bond with Allah by pondering and glorifying the blessings of Allah. By engaging in ibaadah and reflecting on what you are reciting. By doing this, you are increasing your understanding of Islam, and love for Allah and Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam.
The next time you feel lost or depressed, recite surah Ad-Duha and ponder over its meaning. It will inshaAllah help restore full conviction in Allah, belief in Deen, and grant you the strength to overcome grief.
Shed as much tears as you want but don't let the tongue utter things which Wil displease Allah.
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Allah says, ‘I have nothing to give but Paradise as a reward to my believing slave, who, if I cause his dear friend (or relative) to die, remains patient (and hopes for Allah’s Reward). [Hadith; Sahih al-Bukhari 6424]
اللهم اغْفِـرْ لِحَيِّـنا وَمَيِّتِـنا وَشـاهِدِنا ، وَغائِبِـنا ،وَصَغيـرِنا وَكَبيـرِنا ، وَذَكَـرِنا وَأُنْثـانا
O Allah forgive our living and our dead, those who are with us and those who are absent, our young and our old, our menfolk and our womenfolk…
اللَّهمَّ اغْفِرْ لِحَيِّنَا وَمَيِّتِنَا وَشَاهِدِنَا، وَغَائِبِنَا، وَصَغِيْرِنَا وَكَبِيْرِنَا، وَذَكَرِنَا وَأُنْثَانَا. اللَّهمَّ مَنْ أَحْيَيْتَه ُُ مِنَّا فَأَحْيِه ِِ عَلَى الإِسْلامِ، وَمَنْ تَوَفَّيْتَه ُُ مِنَّا فَتَوَفَّه ُُ عَلَى الإِيْمَانِ، اللَّهمَّ لا تَحْرِمْنَا أَجْرَهُ، وَلا تُضِلَّنَا بَعْدَهُ
‘O Allah, forgive our living and our dead, those present and those absent, our young and our old, our males and our females. O Allah, whom amongst us You keep alive, then let such a life be upon Islam, and whom amongst us You take unto Yourself, then let such a death be upon faith. O Allah, do not deprive us of his reward and do not let us stray after him.’
O Allah, forgive the deceased and have mercy on her and give her strength and pardon her. Be generous to her and cause her entrance to be wide and wash her with water and snow and hail. Cleanse her of her transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give her an abode better than her home, and a family better than her family and a spouse better than her spouse. Take her into Paradise and protect her from the punishment of the grave [and from the punishment of Hell-fire]. (Muslim 2/663)