Suicidal
Suicidal isn’t cowardly, I’ll tell you what is cowardly; Treating people so badly that they want to end their lives
Life didn’t make sense. She was angry, frustrated, she felt worthless. The thought of ending her life seemed to be the quickest solution that would take away the pain but before attempting anything, she decided to write a letter for the people to know what she has been feeling and experiencing.
For people to know what state she was in to be pushed to do something unimaginable. She wanted to make them realise the severe consequences and make them live with the guilt all their life.
Sweaty hands, upset stomach due to fear of what she’s about to do… still adamant on overdosing. She wanted to be released from the torment that she faced daily.
Gulping as many tablets as possible, she began to feel nauseous. Rushing to the bathroom, leaning against the sink with her hands covering her face, she finally breaks down. Crying profusely at the thought of what she had just attempted…suddenly realization dawn’s upon her and she forces herself to throw up because at that moment she realised this is not who she is , this is not how her life supposed to end.
The door flung open, searching for a diary to write down her emotions, making a list of what was toxic and what was beneficial, finding reasons to live again. Pages are soaked with tears of regret and fear. Fear of what could have happened if she ended her life. How would she have answered to her Creator.
“Your life is not ruined, you will get through this“, Is what she kept telling herself. Crying so hard that her breathing was halted for a moment.
She hated herself, felt disgusted by the thought of committing such an act. Trembling with fear of how severe the punishment would be in there hereafter, yet still weak to fight the demons in her head .
“Depression is a constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions. Being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again” That’s how she felt. It was eating her inside.
She decided to turn to Allah Ta’ala, to Qur’aan, to find serenity in her salaah . For the first time she felt so much ease whilst performing salaah with khushu. Tears seeping through the musallah whilst in sajdah, she remained in that position for sometime with her eyes closed, and in deep thought.
She knew after that, whatever life throws at you, Allah has given us solutions. We just need to have patience and have full conviction in our worship and Creator.
If you think you are like this individual, experiencing something similar and always looking for a negative way out then please change that intention.
Living a good, positive life doesn’t mean living in the lap of luxury. Living a good life means being content with Allah, turning to Allah. Living a good life means living in peace, forgiving, finding a positive in a person over all the negative.
May Allah Ta’ala grant us a beautiful death with the kalimah on our lips and take us in a condition that is most pleasing to Him, and protect us from any Suicidal actions. Aameen
Raeesa Padia
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