From Darkness To Light
I would like to inform my readers about the person I was and what I’ve become now. (From Darkness To Light)
I’m a born Muslim Alhumdulillah, however I did not grow up in an islamic environment.
My parents got divorced when I was in grade 11, they moved out leaving me with my grandmother (father’s mother who was a non Muslim).
I felt as if my whole world came crashing down. I had to make my own decisions in life, fend for myself.
I used to see my mother very seldom after school, things were not the same, it felt so strange, so distant.
My life had changed drastically, I became aggressive, an emotional wreck, I wanted to isolate myself from the world.
I always pushed people that was concerned/ wanted to care for me away.
I lived with my grandmother for a few months and then moved in with my aunt who was also from my father’s side( my father was a revert, so his entire family was not Muslim).
Living with my aunt was the best decision I thought I made at that moment because every teenager’s desire is to have their freedom, do whatever they want and not have anyone to be answerable to.
That’s how my life was, I was allowed to go wherever I wanted to and never had to worry about a curfew. This was the reason why I did not take my religion so serious, I did not have any guidance.
I was so engrossed in doing things that was completely against Islam, that I never thought about how it would effect me later on and the consequences i’d have to face.
As a youngster, you don’t really take life serious until something bad occurs and then you realize that what you’re doing is absolutely wrong.
I never wore islamic clothing because I was embarrassed, I was more concerned about what people would think of me, if I would be mocked at, bullied, etc.
I had no khauf ( fear of Allah Ta’ala).
I was a Muslim just by name, i had nothing else that would say i’m a proud muslim.
I was not particular of many aspects of deen, especially my salaah.
My deen and it’s commandments had no place in my life.
When the adhaan was called out while I was watching a movie, I would pause it and continue watching when the adhaan finished.
This continued for a long time and I didn’t feel guilty.
I was enjoying life, getting carried away by the glitz and glamor.
I never thought of sitting and praying at least few minutes.
Weeks, months had passed, and out of the blue i received a call from my mother informing me that she remarried and wants me to come stay with her.
I hesitated at first but agreed after my aunt convinced me.
When my mother saw me, she was not only shocked but disheartened to see how much I had changed. She would complain about my dressing, would always try to encourage me towards good, towards the path of reformation.
She tried her best to get the word of Deen in me but was not successful.
I did what made me happy and didn’t care about what my mother or society thought.
I would participate in festivities that was against islam, attend functions of other religions. I was lost and I didn’t realize it. I was lost in the temporary pleasures of this world.
A couple months later all that had changed Alhumdulillah.
I started reading authentic books, inclining myself more towards my islam than Dunya ( worldly things).
I got into contact with an Islamic teacher that was active in da’wah and tabligh.
I related my story to her and told her that I was not happy about the way I was living my life, I felt empty, I had a void in my heart which needed to be healed.
I needed to become more Allah consciousness.
She was ecstatic to hear that and convinced me to attend ta’leem with her .
This was all new to me because my mother’s family and I had a different perspective on what tabligh work was about.
Truth be told, I had negative thoughts about the people being involved in such work but all that had changed when i saw with my own eyes how much sacrifice those people made to spread the word of Deen and I was too quick to judge.
The things I heard at ta’leem amazed me. I learnt so much in that short period Alhumdulillah.
I was fully aware of what was right and wrong, I could differentiate between innovation and what was haq(truth).
I had this sudden urge to learn more. I was determined!
After attending a few ta’leem programmes, I had decided to go into niqaab.
Hearing the benefits, rewards, the inspiring stories of being in niqaab had motivated me to adorn it SubhanaAllah.
It’s like I’ve been given a second chance to by Allah Ta’ala to reform and be a better muslimah.
In this time of fitnah (corruption), it’s extremely difficult to remain steadfast on deen, you will always get people who will try to distract you with negative talks, but remember that you’re doing everything for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and you shall be rewarded immensely inshaAllah.
This Imaan is such that because of the environment around us, because of the negative influences around us. This gift of Imaan is not appreciated but wallahi my respected readers, when your eyes close then only would you see the true value and beauty of this Imaan.
It should not come to a stage where we have regrets about the way we lived in the Dunya because we didn’t reap enough rewards and we were the cause of our own destruction.
We should try to be in the company of the righteous, make dua for hidayat everyday for ourselves and the entire Ummah.
Who knows when we would be given a second chance, death can come knocking at your doorstep anytime so start preparing now.
Spend your time wisely, exert yourself in the preparation of the aakhirah.
Remember this sinful slave in your duas InshaAllah.
